i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize