cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
