it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
