According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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