Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
