Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
