Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
