i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize