cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
