My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
