I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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