Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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