Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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