this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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