just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
