it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
