Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
