Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i am craving dick and cupcakes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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