i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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