Heybabeimwearingurpanties
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
