She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
