Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is Oprah even human
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
