just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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