At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
