So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All the doctor said was why
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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