I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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