Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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