So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize