I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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