Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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