WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
