R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
