Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
