he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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