btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
