It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
