Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize