respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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