Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
