thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
