You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
