and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have fence marks all over my body
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
