Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
