3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
