How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
