I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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