And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
