I should be sponsored by Trojan
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
