I wanna bring you to show and tell
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
