Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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