i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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