He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
