shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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