I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
