If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
