"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
