She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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