It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
