peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
