Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
being pregnant is like rehab
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
