just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
