she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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