I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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