My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So gin and wine won't be happening again
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
