It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
