I wish I could teleport
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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