me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
