My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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