i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize