At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
