i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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