no, he came in my armpit
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize