So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
