I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
