My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
