my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
