I want to make a zoo with you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
