Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
