i need an iv and a liver transplant
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
