and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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