You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize