i think my tv is drunk
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
