And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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