I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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