life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
