Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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