I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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