but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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