So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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