So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
