dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
