just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
