Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
