Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize