i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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