There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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