I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
