Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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