Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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