My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
