I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Drunk is not a location!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
