Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
