Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
