why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
