wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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