chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
