thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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