12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
