im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
