Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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