Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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