just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just had sex on a roof
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
