I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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