Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
