sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
