When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
