I hate your face
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
