Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
