My hand turned me down
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
