I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
