Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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