I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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