Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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