Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize